{ d.e.f.i.n.i.t.i.o.n ♥ denise

Friday, October 24, 2008

fairytales dont exist 1:07:00 AM

so i had an inner voice. and this was what it penetrated into me necessantly:

stop trying to smile when you know you cant
stop trying too hard to hear yourself laugh again.
stop tearing, your tears wont reach anyone
stop swearing, the world wont wait for you
stop reaching out and thinking back through.

stop screaming with a hopeless voice
stop bleeding in that heart of yours.
stop taking yourself for granted.
stop your ridiculous wails for a better tomorrow.

stop telling people youre fine.
stop giving that face with a half hidden sorrow.
stop saying yes and making empty promises
stop trying to warm yourself up, when there's no one to give that warmth.

i'm drowning in my own emotions, my own wails, promises that i make to people and myself. I'm sinking into despair, being tickled by my own sensitivity, closing walls around me. I barely have a shoulder around me and my life's wasting away. I start to hate, i start to detest, i start to grudge, i start to give up...

so where did she go to?
where did denise go to?
where did her smiles went to?
where did her warmth went to?

if i could just pause my sight, my hearing, my vocals...
and stop my heartbeat for a moment.
maybe this world would become more peaceful.

if i could be allowed to fall slowly, and ignore everything.. what a wonderful world.

Denise currently does not wish to be spoken about how emo she is, cause i'll tell you why i am feeling so if i think you're close to me. if you do care, you can always tell me, it'll make me feel better, maybe. if you dont.. i dont realy care either, and it's best you leave me alone.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

fairytales dont exist 6:50:00 PM

HELLO DARLINGS

i see my last post can become a history text and that my blog has digital cobwebs crowning its edges. OOOh. Ok lah, sorry people for not updating, not like a large community comes to fancy my posts anyway.

Anyway, most of you know i'm right now in newcastle, UK... not LONDON... NOT ENGLAND.. just newcastle yeah? weather: pretty cold. have been raining like cats and dogs first 2 weeks. it was AWFUL. but still can tahan =D now the weathers awesome. at least no one's getting drenched, and the temperature is just right. cooling!

I miss singapore's food seriously. CAUSE SOME LOUSY COOK WHO I BELIEVED SO MUCH IN FAILED ME.. omg.. so sad lar. photos to be shown. no worries. This trip has been kinda fun =D dr ming is seriously damn funny and nice. we're lucky to be under his guidance and stuff. really appreciate it. WELL, people, if you're wondering what i do as an exchange student here. Ok, the serious part first, we're designing some hot water system, not for spa, just for bath's sake. If you want on-sen, i'm sure it can be arranged. Denise will be more than happy to line a big basin with stones and give u a self-designed kettle. But thou shall not be responsible for any accidents or problems associated with such. =D The not so serious part now, I LEARNT ABIT OF HOKKIEN, beat that! whoohoo~ i also learnt how to be more sarcastic and expand the horizons of torture and pain WAHAHAHA, and i also learnt some pool skills. Those who belittle me, watch out, i might just poke your ass.

well, i'm still alive and kicking if most of you are worried. There were some rough waters along the way, but i'm sure it got solved. I'm sure no one wants to go travelling with a sulky face huh. Bad news was i dropped the mini memento that my dear friends took much effort to make. Dont know how to break the news to them, i'm really SORRY and i was pretty emo for the whole night when it got missing. ><>To: choomin, yilin, jose, bei, ying jie, ming hui, i'm so friggin sorry and pissed with myself for losing it =( ouch. i'll buy you all your souvenirs.

Lastly, i miss club!! Sorry to my dear friends who are stressing themselves through the meetings, and sorry i cant attend my PR subcom's outing and meetings ( wait, i dunnoe if they managed to hold one -.-LOL) wait for my return k?

Anyway, to prove that i'm still alive and existing in this world.. here's a tribute of myself.. just kidding.. pictures!!! note: pictures of everyone and more, can be found in my facebook =D cox blogger sucks at uploading photos..so yeah. give me time.

Denise with bed of flowers behind her
" I CHOP YOU WITH MY KNIFE!!" you know, alot of ppl here thinks all chinese know kung fu. and in front of me, you shall see my dear full english breakfast delicacy
The house we LIVED IN. that place GOT SLUGS LOR. can you believe it? I BATHED WITH SLUGS. that's my kitchen anyway. And the pot we were holding emitted some green coloured smoke when i was boiling water. Dun even talk about the smell.
In UK's so called wet market? Except it's not wet! It's very nice and clean and nice smelling.
Tynemouth priory and castle. Couldnt access cause part of it was gobbled by the storm and repair works were ongoing. So! It served as my beautiful background.

Well we didnt get to see the priory, BUT WE SAW THIS INSTEAD. LIVE RESCUE!! you dun get that at Singapore, cox the hospital is right next to your butt.
At an english PUB. Elijah was having his beer, me and peggy drank shandy. In the end i drank the most. both of them kept visitin the toilet for some reason. and Elijah is gay at drinking. HE SLEPT RIGHT AFTER ONE GLASS HAHAHAHA. From then on, i realised that i could only be drunk by fizzy orange juice. Alcoholic beverages have insignificant effect on me.
No i wasnt doing a wayang, i was trying to pose as SOMETHING OKAY. will give you week-to-week post about this whole trip. Then you can see what i was really doing.
MY TERRITORY. HAHAHAHHA.
For those football fans, this is one of our landmarks, and it's Newcastle F.C. The stadium's huge. Got a couple of pictures, and so happen that this was the kevin keegan controversy period. Ouch. You see football lunatics rampaging the streets like some political strike. wadeva.

Us in the bus! elijah looks friggin blur and weird. well, who cares =D
CHOP OFF MY HEAD AND I WILL HAUNT YOU... wait i look like sadako. RELEASE ME!!!!
MY loving pet. BEWARE OF DRAGON. I shall call it Fairy. (dont ask me why i gave it this name, it's upon impulse)
One of our dishes. I cooked the sausage. It was great, but fire maybe abit big, other than that, the exterior was crispy and interior was juicy crunchy. Don't ask about the 1st dish. It was burnt by thou i shall not name. i think it was elijah. OOPS. i cooked a nice golden brown egg though.
BEHOLD PRINCESS/ QUEEN DENISE. Bow your heads before me and feel my grasp of wrath. Do not underestimate me fools, for my power shall....KOWTOW TO ME DAMMIT! say your prayers before i behead you etc. etc. etc.

STOP SNIFFING THE ARSE.
Did i tell you, we walked 2 damn hours to holy island. The algaes covering the rocks were like life-sucking parasites clinging to their Garden of Edo. Anyway to beat the high tide at the causeway, before we become submerged prawns, we hitchhiked! good thing was peggy managed to flag down one car and we got a ride across the causeway in time!!! =D
Me trying to hitchhike to berwick. problem is-i never succeeded once. In fact, i carried some sort of curse. Whenever i stood out to hitch hike, THE ROADS BECAME EMPTY. WTH? all the cars scared of me ah? do i look like some chinese ghost or terrorist. I BEG YOUR PARDON?!
See no touch. Touch no see. Cause all of it is in my tummy. ( above: mackeral, smoked salmon)
THIS LOOKS LIKE A BLOODY HAUNTED HOUSE OUT OF NO WHERE. We had no transport back to newcastle that day. I cant believe i suggested hiding in this house till morning. elijah wanted to walk all the way to berwick which was friggin far and which is a much lousier decision. But as elijah said, nothing is worse than me, so i just wonder. -_-

Anyway, that's all for now, i got hundred over pictures, alot of you want me to update my blog and tell you about my trip. There's much to this, but i want to go watch my anime or smth since i finished my project already. So let's stop here today okay? LOVE YA.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

fairytales dont exist 12:48:00 AM

MST is over. i'm screwed for some paper. i can't believe i just sacrificed my dear holiday for this -_- thanks hurr, whuever gave the feedback to encourage MST. Anyway with practical as such a heavy ass shell on us, it's no wonder some give way to pressure. dont wanna think about my screwed papers anyway -_-
BACk to topic, MY BLOG HAS ROTTED, i shall revive it abit. tagged by yilin, so yah, i shall do the tag first. OH DID YOU PPL KNOW MY CRAZY SISTER IS BACK FROM AMERICA quite long ago, hahaha... pictures to come.. aWAIT!

yilin tagged me..People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
Tag 7 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what would ur reaction be?
Lets see. Get pissed. get knife. castrate. NO.. i'm just kidding! but i'll probably dump that faggot and defame him for his obnoxious nature.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
To become rich. -_- money is the base of all dreams.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
maybe celebrity like? First a proposal across the mediterranean sea. Then, a full italiano type wedding in a classy beach restaurant, with flower confettis and a lively romantic atmosphere. Lastly, a darling limousine to fetch me to the airport and to HONEYMOON!

4. Are you confused of what lies ahead of you?
Not really. Deal with the present, and the future will be taken care of. There is only destiny and destiny it shall be.

5. What's your ideal lover like?
SEXY? ok i'm kidding! HAHA. my ideal lover would be someone taller than me, average looking but probably be the most handsome to me, someone who will support me through difficult times, loyal, preferred if smarter than me (i'm average, dont worry), has financial assurance, and of course most importantly, love me above all else (except for his family).

6. Do you have a person you wish you will be with now?
still searching. presently single, and currently dating anybody who is willing to pay for my dinner and abit of my shopping <3

7. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I think it's both. double sided love is better than one-sided right =D

8. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
not for now, but definitely before my late twenties sign sink into my skin.

9. If the person you secretly liked is already attached, what would you do?
i wouldnt go after him anymore. There's alot of trees out there =D kidding! i guess if i really liked him, i wouldnt wanna disrupt his happiness unless his gf is a bimbotic bitchy witch. =D but reality check, i wait for initiation, i dont initiate.

10. Is there anything that makes you unhappy these days?
YES. THE SHITTY MST. LOL

11. Is being tagged fun?
not really -_-

12. Are you frank with ur friends and bf/gf?
yeah. be straighforward but be cautious with your words.

13. Who are currently the most important people to you?
My family and lovable friends. CAN I SAY MY DOG RUSKY TOO? LOL

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
a very bony person XD rofl! she's sexy, she crappy, and she's got a great personality.

15. Would you rather be single and rich, or married but poor?
that's so no life-er. rich and married duh. that's like every maiden's fairytale (well at least to me) =D let's hope i dont end up either way

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Yes i would. Trust, love and respect, the ingredients to embrace a great relationship. if the other person loves me alot, i'll give it back definitely.

17. If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, who would you pick?
not so flirtatious. the only time i fall in love with two persons, is that if one is daniel henney and the other, takeshi kaneshiro. kidding! still wouldnt, cox if you fall in love, you're willing to sacrifice for that one person. 2 people just makes a stupid unworthy drama.

18. describe an ideal date.
Anything? be it eating, watching movie, just plain talking, shopping and stuff. but if it's a first date after the start of a relationship, of course it must have more setting lor -_-

that's it. i dunnoe who to tag lei -_- lazy. OH WELL. shall retire.. love you people.. TOODLES!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

fairytales dont exist 12:39:00 PM

i'm tired. finally it's labour day -_- sister finally back from the states too along with all her nonsense -.- oh well. regretted not taking her clothes to wear when she not around LOL. needs another 2.5 month holidayy man T.T i'm so sick of 2hr lectures. they're practically sucking my soul out. if i have to buy a packet of sweets to keep myself awake for every 2 hr lecture, i'm gonna die of overloaded sugar man.-_- and also just when i'm trying to get rid of my lousy weight. feel like getting some injection to melt my abdominal flubber LOL. it's damn fustrating to suck in a ton of air to tuck in the embarrassing layer can??! STILL, one cant forsake good food for appearance!! HAHAHAHA.

went to a restaurant at esplanade. nice ambience. they had these tall emperor-like chairs. LOL. some food were nice, some werent. service wasnt very good either, cox it's filled with foreigners who cant speak or hear proper english. communication breakdown man -.- gettin frustrated at these people who come reside on such a small land. at least learn how to speak an international language before coming here and stop smiling ridiculously when you dont understand!!!GRRrrr.

never mind that.

anyway some drools for you =D

my dad holding his tea happily.

me and green apple juice

some appetizers!

honey coated prawns with strawberries on the side!

shark fin soup was awesome XD

the chilli fish wasnt that fantastic, i tot i swallowed some scale too o_o

A UBER CUTE small "bottle" containing clamansi juice XD

wagyu beef -.- tastes like frozen beef and it was pretty tough. appears that wagyu beef has standards and this is of the lowest standard.

scallop mee swa XD nice.

DESSERT!! smothered in mist. each cup containing delightful surprises XD

oh well that's all. i wanna buy a new school bag -.-

Saturday, April 26, 2008

fairytales dont exist 11:46:00 PM

quite a DISAPPOINTMENT. but STILL HAD FUN XD.

okay firstly gotta say we shud have waited in line first la instead of waiting for the rest to come T.T if not everyone could have gotten into MOS. darnit! no one told us at 9pm, only 18 and above are allowed in! UNFAIR!! the event was until 10 lorr. never mind.. can go next time -_- but have to pay for entry zzZ. i'm damn cheapskate, you know it. went wif shu fen, peggy and the incredible shun hong. guys decided to pang seh last minute despite persuading. -.- quite pissed at indecisive ppl. anyway i decided that unless they wan join us, i wun bother asking them along anymore, cox it was pretty much fun with just the 4 of us. went along wif club guys instead. didnt know they'll bring a rather large group of F.O peeps LOL. oh well. was squeezed like pancake by loads of cut-queuing people. after not finding out that they stopped accepting ppl under 18.. we were damn emo. so we decided to follow shun hong to see her play her extreme swing and bungee. this was wad happened:

one staff asked us, is it your friends bdae??

denise(sian tone): yeah. her bdae-.-

peggy, shu fen: haha yeah.

staff: REALLY? okay.. i give you a proposal! we never let the bdae girl go alone, so i'm giving each of you $20 tickets.

denise, peggy, shu fen(thinking): OMG!! more than 50% discount sia!! (by the way, shun hong bought it for like 50 bucks HAHAHHAHA)

asked him whether need check ID, he say dunnid. SO OKAY LOR, we are such LIARS. shu fen was damn scared so she didnt accept the offer. BUT PEGGY AND I DID! which after that, we were blaming each other for getting ourselves in such shit cox we became scared LOL. oh yah, shun hong met another gung-ho like her, some indian guy who bought the combo too. both of them became FRIENDS LOL. shun hong sat the bungee thingie first. the rest of us decided to shout happy bdae to her when the "ball" was rocking on the platform. the exciting part was, the ball suddenly shot into the air, and rotated while FALLING down OMG. the live video showed shun hong and her friend smiling happily. such sadistic ppl. funny thing was, after shun hong got down, alot of ppl congratulated her for her "bdae"! HAHA. LOL. anyway. come to the swing. realised kenna scammed, cox when i asked which one more recommended, the staff told me the swing which apparently has no vid and less exciting -.- NEVER MIND.

situation: buckling up at swing

peggy was sweating damn hard. HAHA. shun hong foreva happy go lucky. as the "bdae girl", she had to pull this lever when we're UP THERE, then the swing will release. quite cool. finally the swing started moving. and it got higher. just when i expected it to stop... it WENT BLOODY HIGHER. until i was facing parallel to the ground can? i WAS DAMN FREAKED OUT LA. me and peggy were like screaming our asses off. ( i have DAMN bad height phobia HAHA) that STUPID SHUN HONG NEVER GIVE WARNING. then she pull the lever. and we were like screaming like MAD LA. that was the first part, then after that we were screamin for fun. finally got down, but peggy was purposely not released from her belt cox she was pronounced the most scared, so the staff threatened to send her up again ALONE. then she was protesting like mAD HAHA. anyway found 2 bars that wun check ur ID if wan a dose of liquor. crazy elepahnt and bungee bar =D

ANYWAY PICTURE TIME:

After making up! XD
wif peggy at mrt station. taken benjamin
yu qin and benjamin at foodcourt(at central)
MOS. bloody packed.
shun hong trying to put in her contacts HAHAHA.
shun hong and her friend haha
three of us on the SWING HAHA
i applied eye liner. amateur job. the bloody thing smudged after a long day and i now got some BLACK EYE LOL. HAHAHA...

anyway, damn tired. shall go sleep -_-

Thursday, April 24, 2008

fairytales dont exist 11:10:00 PM

HELLO PEEPS. i haven been blogging for quite a while! apologies! anyway, my timetable sucks. what kind of shitty timetable is this? i want to complain sia. -.- everyone almost start school at the same time. CAN U BLOODY IMAGINE HOW SQUEEZY THE MRT IS? not to mention the STATION TOO?! i'd probably be flattened like some pancake with fats squishing out if i hadnt taken the pasir ris train. ANOTHER SHIT THING: thousands released for lunch around the same time. i'm given only a stupid hour. singaporeans are blllaaadddiie kiasuu okay! even young adults like us snatch for seats hor! the queue can probably demoralise any anticipating stomach like MINE and EVERYYBOODDIIE ELSE's. i end school as late as 6. and today i just had another 6 hrs of maths lecture combined with tutorial. @#$%&*#! tomorrow going MOS for some poly event. heard underage parties are disappointing. but since i get to go in free. WHO CARES?! XD i'm underage too anyway bwahahaha!

i'm tired. anyway for your entertainment...

those are MY shoes. THOSE, i swear. are yuqin's "pretty" feet. DAMN LADYLIKE RIGHT!?! HAHAHAHA.

oh well =D

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

fairytales dont exist 12:25:00 AM

BACK TO SCHOOL

this SUCKS. i want a holiday REFUND! LOL. FO weekend activity was not long ago. was a GL and totally loved my 'kids' cause they are uber cute LOL. anyway... too tired to blog about it. still waiting for photos from both FOC and FOW. by the time i get them, FO is probably some outdated topic already. oh well.

this was what i did when i came home and after i watched one episode of anime. doesnt this BRING BACK MEMORIES. it still tastes good. bought it at queensway when i went to shop for sandals. yes, i was playing maple, was waiting for yd, julian, yq and xiao kay tee to do pq. -_- LOL. yes, that's my sub char in aquilla.

nathan bought the push pop candy at queensway when i bought it too. the way he sucks it looks so WRONG LOL. cudnt help laughing.

MY DREAM CAR. saw some ang moh driving it. dunnoe wads the bloody brand. hope it's not an exclusive or imported thingie. love convertibles cause they emphasize on the classic interior of the car. hope it's some baby mercedes convertible ><

proof that sam abuses his 'wife'. peggy being one of his infinite number of wives. OH WELL. pretty random pictures for 1st day at school. BOREDOM.

went to see my 'kids' from Ananke eat dinner today. misses them* =D dunnoe where to get the photos we took during dinner though =/ will include in another post. oh yah saw sebes at sentosa that day. so embarrassing -_- LOL. oh well. that's all for now. everyone enjoy ur school days =)